I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
