if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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