in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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