just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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