Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize