So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
