I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
