i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
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I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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