I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
