At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
