Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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