I'm pants shitting drunk right now
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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