can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
be right there i have to get my cape
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
