it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
