We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
