dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
