so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
