Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
