my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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