No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
