note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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