i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
