So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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