I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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