I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
