i may or may not be watching the land before time
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
