my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize