I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I currently don't understand fingers.
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