wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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