New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
