Nicole vs. Life
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
