The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
