our cab driver is having phone sex.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
