I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
