my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
