Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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