if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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