Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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