So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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