Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
