I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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