so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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