somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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