probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
