Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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