She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
