Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
