The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
