i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
