Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
