Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
