there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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