I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
no you cant smoke seaweed
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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