I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
