3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I have fence marks all over my body
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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