have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
