After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
