how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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