I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize