wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
