dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
