how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
