i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
