It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
