shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
In America we eat man semen.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
