I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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