Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I lost the right to judge tonight
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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