Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
