How'd it feel making her break her religion?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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