"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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