Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
