She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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