Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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