Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
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Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
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He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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