I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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