Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
