but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
