Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't put those talents on a resume
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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