Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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