she smelled like a LAN party
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Your cock deserves a montage
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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