DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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