from now on my penis is your penis
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
